Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
