Cold hands, warm shart.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
