Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
