Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My dick has a subreddit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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