there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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