you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Green mimosas i think yes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
