all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
