i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
