so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
