either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
