Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
