I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
a search helicopter?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
