I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
