I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
