So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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