you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
