I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
