Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
