So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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