This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
