I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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