chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
birth control should be required to get into college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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