I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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