Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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