My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
