Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
