K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You're completely useless in the revolution.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
