If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
