Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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