you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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