I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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