see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
