if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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