I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
