Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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