cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
