I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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