nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
