i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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