I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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