Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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