MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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