she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
