so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
