i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
