You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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