she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
