she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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