He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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