I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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