Three words: puerto rican gang bang
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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