Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
