the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
