The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
