I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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