one two three fourrrrnication!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
