I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
