Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
