OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
