We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
