did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
